|This has nothing to do with anything, I just think posts with pictures are more interesting. And this one of Chris in a box is one of my favorites.|
Just had some thoughts I wanted to get down. Here they are:
So I mentioned in my last post that I have made a bunch of goals for each month, but I also made a Fall list. I guess it's a bucket list, but Chris always talks about not liking that term, and even though I don't mind it, I think him not liking it has made me sort of not like it either? Osmosis, I guess. The point is, I am excited about it. We are going bike riding and hiking and shopping in Spokane and apple picking (obviously, because I am an American girl with Instagram). It will be awesome.
Sometimes I am afraid that my enthusiasm about things is off-putting to people. Either because they don't share my enthusiasm, or because they think it's insincere. And honestly, if you're the type of person who doesn't like someone who gets excited because you are too boring, I probs don't want to be friends anyway, honestly. But I sincerely worry sometimes that when I get overly excited about things other people will think I am just being over the top to--I don't know, I guess to get attention or get a reaction from other people or something. But this is not the case! I just really do get excited about life.
Another worry I have (man, do I have social anxiety? . . . I don't think so. I think among other things, Fall makes me introspective. Maybe.) is that people will think I am less interested in their lives than I really am. Let me explain. I am really interested in people's lives. Like when I meet new people I always want to know tons of stuff about them, their families, where they grew up, etc. etc. However. Something happened to me a few years ago. And that was that it took me a few years to have a baby. And somewhere in that time, I stopped asking any question that could be seen as prying. Not even because people did that to me, necessarily, though it did happen occasionally, but just because I was more aware of personal painful situations that didn't want to be discussed. And I can think of several instances since then when someone was talking to me about something personal, and I made a very conscious effort not to ask any questions about it, but just let them tell me whatever they felt comfortable telling me. And then later I wonder and worry if they thought I wasn't interested. It's a weird grey area to be in, to be interested but not too interested like you are just curious, you know? And rather than cross the line into being overly curious, I choose to err on the side of asking nothing. Oh man, this is sounding more and more like a humble brag. "I am just REALLY sensitive to other people, and never want to butt in to their business." That's not what I am saying. I just--I think you get it. And if not, maybe you're one of those boring peeps who thinks I'm dumb for getting excited, so it's really looking like this friendship isn't going to work out.
So I know that comparison is the thief of joy, because that quote is all over the place. (I think it's especially all over the place for women of my demographic the last few years, because everyone is always worried about how Pinterest and blogs and Instagram affect our self esteem, and rightly so.) Anyway, I was thinking about that, and yes, I agree. Comparison can absolutely steal your joy. But can't comparison also be like, the yardstick of normalness? The barometer of average? You know? I think you can compare yourselves to others in a good way too, like just sort of check out if what you have going on is normal. And that's not really a bad thing at all. In fact, I'm probs going to create a super cool graphic that says "Comparison is the Yardstick of Normalness," and get that shiz all over Pinterest.
I can't be the only one who takes videos of myself singing, just to hear what my voice sounds like, am I? I obviously delete them IMMEDIATELY after I listen to them, because I can imagine how horrifying it would be if someone somehow stumbled upon it. But please, weigh in. Does anyone else do this? It's not like I do it because I think I am a good singer. I just want to know what I sound like, so I make a video, listen, and delete. Usually I think, "Yeah, about what I thought. Not good. Not horrible, but def not good."