Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Some stuff

This has nothing to do with anything, I just think posts with pictures are more interesting. And this one of Chris in a box is one of my favorites. 

Just had some thoughts I wanted to get down. Here they are:

So I mentioned in my last post that I have made a bunch of goals for each month, but I also made a Fall list. I guess it's a bucket list, but Chris always talks about not liking that term, and even though I don't mind it, I think him not liking it has made me sort of not like it either? Osmosis, I guess. The point is, I am excited about it. We are going bike riding and hiking and shopping in Spokane and apple picking (obviously, because I am an American girl with Instagram). It will be awesome.

Sometimes I am afraid that my enthusiasm about things is off-putting to people. Either because they don't share my enthusiasm, or because they think it's insincere. And honestly, if you're the type of person who doesn't like someone who gets excited because you are too boring, I probs don't want to be friends anyway, honestly. But I sincerely worry sometimes that when I get overly excited about things other people will think I am just being over the top to--I don't know, I guess to get attention or get a reaction from other people or something. But this is not the case! I just really do get excited about life.

Another worry I have (man, do I have social anxiety? . . . I don't think so. I think among other things, Fall makes me introspective. Maybe.) is that people will think I am less interested in their lives than I really am. Let me explain. I am really interested in people's lives. Like when I meet new people I always want to know tons of stuff about them, their families, where they grew up, etc. etc. However. Something happened to me a few years ago. And that was that it took me a few years to have a baby. And somewhere in that time, I stopped asking any question that could be seen as prying. Not even because people did that to me, necessarily, though it did happen occasionally, but just because I was more aware of personal painful situations that didn't want to be discussed. And I can think of several instances since then when someone was talking to me about something personal, and I made a very conscious effort not to ask any questions about it, but just let them tell me whatever they felt comfortable telling me. And then later I wonder and worry if they thought I wasn't interested. It's a weird grey area to be in, to be interested but not too interested like you are just curious, you know? And rather than cross the line into being overly curious, I choose to err on the side of asking nothing. Oh man, this is sounding more and more like a humble brag. "I am just REALLY sensitive to other people, and never want to butt in to their business." That's not what I am saying. I just--I think you get it. And if not, maybe you're one of those boring peeps who thinks I'm dumb for getting excited, so it's really looking like this friendship isn't going to work out.

So I know that comparison is the thief of joy, because that quote is all over the place. (I think it's especially all over the place for women of my demographic the last few years, because everyone is always worried about how Pinterest and blogs and Instagram affect our self esteem, and rightly so.) Anyway, I was thinking about that, and yes, I agree. Comparison can absolutely steal your joy. But can't comparison also be like, the yardstick of normalness? The barometer of average? You know? I think you can compare yourselves to others in a good way too, like just sort of check out if what you have going on is normal. And that's not really a bad thing at all. In fact, I'm probs going to create a super cool graphic that says "Comparison is the Yardstick of Normalness," and get that shiz all over Pinterest.

I can't be the only one who takes videos of myself singing, just to hear what my voice sounds like, am I? I obviously delete them IMMEDIATELY after I listen to them, because I can imagine how horrifying it would be if someone somehow stumbled upon it. But please, weigh in. Does anyone else do this? It's not like I do it because I think I am a good singer. I just want to know what I sound like, so I make a video, listen, and delete. Usually I think, "Yeah, about what I thought. Not good. Not horrible, but def not good."


Lindsey said...

you know what i always wish about your blog? that it had a big ol' like button that i could like an unlimited number of times. Cause that's always what i want to do when i read your posts!

Jud and Becca Preator said...

You're not alone in thinking, in worrying, in dreaming. Anytime you'd like to open the floodgates, You would be welcome. It would be refreshing. Basically you're a gem and we're lucky to know you.

Marissa said...

I love reading your blog. I always want to comment every single time but then I worry that I'll come off creepy since I haven't talked to you in person since we were college freshman. Anyway, I recently came across Dressing your Truth by Carrol Tuttle. Its pretty trendy all over Utah right now which I tend to stay away from, but I felt like her system of personality and energy profiling was really spot on for me and a lot of people I know closely. For me it shed a lot of light on who I am naturally and for the first time in my life it made me feel really wonderful about accepting ALL of who I am. It also has been wonderful in helping me understand other people around me, especially those who aren't like me. Its been a little bit life changing and the more I learn the more I like it. A few of the comments you made in this post really made me think you might enjoy learning more about the type 1 personality, I think it fits you :). I just reread my comment and I sound like I'm trying to sell you something. I'm not. I just like it. And I like you, you make me laugh and I love the way you think and write. Glad you're back to blogging! ps, in trying to post this I keep having to submit it. I hope it doesn't show up 100x, then I'll really look creepy!

Kiley said...

Chazlyn and I used to argue all the time about who had the better singing voice. So of course to settle things, we would call a friend and take turns singing our guts out over the phone and then force them to tell us who was better. Haha. But that was way back in high school...jk! It was elementary school.

Bora Choi said...

You need to write a book someday. It doesn't have to be about anything specific... Seriously, I love the way you write. It's as if you're right next to me and I can hear you talking. haha I read your blog continuously and yet I JUST started following your blog. what??!!

Heidi McQuay said...

Can I just say I'm thrilled your back to blogging?!? I love it - I love hearing about your life. And yes, I record myself and then think, "oh my poor friends and family having to listen to me speak..."

Natalie said...

I love reading your blog! I am fascinated by other people's lives too! What's the line between interested and creepily interested?

Also - your bucket list - I love it! I follow this lady on instagram who call them her "Fall Live List" (or whatever season they are on.) I liked that thought. And I might be stealing some of your ideas. :)