I never know how to title these posts.

Does anyone else have a hard time feeling good about soul patches? I just can't trust anyone who has one. The same goes for certain types of goatees. The type that says, "I drive a big truck." I just can't do it. Why is this? Did a soul-patched someone deceive me earlier in life? I really can't say. Chris's full beard, however, gives me no anxiety. I suppose I will never know why this is, but the point is--my husband will NEVER sport a soul patch. Except for a few brief moments during his annual beard shaving so we can take pictures, of course.

You know how sometimes you say something at the exact moment you realize you shouldn't be saying it? A couple weeks ago I was running my quarter marathon, and I was at about mile 4, when I saw a woman about a block ahead, standing to the side, not running. She was tall and thin, and in running gear, and holding a camera. So naturally, I thought it was my mom, coming to find me and run to the finish with me. So I was waving, and I think I yelled, "Mom!" and I definitely said, "Natalie!" and then I got closer and realized it was NOT my mom, but the lady had definitely seen me spazzing out. So when I got close I said, "Sorry I was waving and yelling at you, I thought you were my mom." But here's the thing. It's not like we stopped and chatted, I was running a race. I just sort of said it and went. But here's the other thing. She was like 32-35, which I realized as soon as I was close enough to be saying, "SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY MOM." And then I was horrified as I ran away. Because that girl was probably less than 10 years older than me. And if a 16 year old came up to me and said, "I thought you were my MOM"--I don't know what I'd do. It would ruin my day, I know that much. So, unknown runner with a camera, I'm really sorry I thought you were my mom, and I'm REALLY sorry I told you. I felt like running back and saying, "My mom is in great shape, she's an amazing runner, don't feel bad!" but of course I didn't.

Sometimes I do crazy things when I'm sleeping. It's just a part of my life, and I've learned to deal with it. Here's another gem for you all: A few mornings ago, I woke up and wondered what time it was. I was reaching around on my nightstand for my phone so I could check, but it was nowhere to be found. I KNEW it was there, because it's there every night, and I knew I had set my alarm. I turned on my lamp, which unfortunately woke up Chris. He asked what I was doing and I said I was looking for my phone. After not finding it anywhere on the nightstand or on the floor, I decided it had probably fallen under the bed or something, and we would find it when the alarm went off. I got up and went in the kitchen to check the time. It was 5:15. (Not that that matters to this story. But it was.) Then when Chris's alarm went off at 6:00, I woke up too and said, "Hey, will you call my phone?" So he called me, and we could hear it from the folds of the duvet. My phone was in our bed with us. So I was like, "What? How did this happen?" And then Chris's memory was jogged and he told me what happened. Apparently at about 3:00, I had woken him up and was showing him my phone. He said I kept saying, "Chris, look. Look what time it is! Look at my phone." And he was like, "Yeah, I see what time it is. THREE. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" And then I guess I dropped the phone and went back to sleep. I remember zero percent of this. But I do think it is awesome.

Is there such a job as just labeling things with markers all day long? If I could find a job where all you do is write on glossy cardboard with a Sharpie, I think my life would be complete. I really really love that shiz. Other jobs I am interested in: Looking at pretty blogs all day, planning vacations, going hiking and running in the mountains, running errands for someone else while I drive around and listen to NPR. So, let me know if any of those are real jobs. (This is not to be taken as dissatisfaction with my actual job. It is good. But let's be real, if someone offered me the same salary to look at the internet all day, I would be a fool not to take it.)

Did you know that when I was little, my least favorite word on earth was "fool"? (Of course you didn't know that. Only one person who reads this blog would possibly know that. Emily, do you remember that?) Isn't that silly? Because now I love it. I like to say things like, "You should definitely buy that fool." I think I got that from Kiley, but I can't be sure. Also, Emily liked to say "fool" and "foolish" to me when we were little just because I didn't like it.

Words I hate now: basically any private body part words, preggers, mucus, and when children use scatological terms other than "number two." I can't think of any more right now. But I'm sure there are more. And the thing with kids is more of a pet peeve than a "words I hate" situation, but whatevs. However, I do sort of hate the term pet peeve, and I also REALLY love saying whatevs. So there you go.

Also, a thing that I hate is the Provo Towne Centre. I don't actually hate the mall, although I obviously prefer University Mall, but I hate that they called it the Towne Centre and not the Town Center. You're not fooling anyone, guys! (again with the fool! What is up with me?) Your mall is sort of trashy, and not fancy. Spelling it Towne Centre does NOT class the place up. Getting rid of about half the stores there might, but whatevs.

Speaking of whatevs, probably everyone has seen this, and I'm the last person in the world to know about it, but the other day some friends introduced me to this exquisite video. And I loved it so so much. Please watch it. The first time I saw it my face was sore by the end.