So, turns out I'm kind of a crazy face when I'm asleep. I didn't ever know it until we got married, I suppose because I never shared a bed with anyone consistently. But I did a crazy thing a couple weeks ago, and it made me reflect on some of the weird sleeping things I've done. Here are a few of them:
One time I was sleeping, minding my own business, when suddenly Chris put his face right over mine and went "HA!" really loud and scared me SO badly. (As an aside: I am the jumpiest person alive. I don't know what it is. At my old job at BYU my back was to the door of my little office, so nearly every day someone would come in and scare the daylights out of me. Devan, my boss, would actually do it on purpose sometimes. My brothers like to scare me by suddenly making a loud noise or waving their arms toward me while we're having a conversation. And I'm looking at them, and talking to them. And yes, it totally startles me. It's ridiculous.) Anyway, so Chris scared me while I was asleep. So I sat up, and started hitting him (abuse) and saying, "What is wrong with you? Why did you do that?" and then he started slowly waking up and saying, "What? What are you talking about? I'm sleeping!" So turns out I had a DREAM that Chris scared me, but it really did scare me enough to wake up and get mad at him.
Another time I woke up and was like, "Who is in my bed?" For some reason I thought my sister Char was sleeping with me, but then I thought there might be someone else on the other side of her. And I was pretty freaked out that some creepster had snuck into bed with me and Char, so I really quietly slipped out, turned on the bathroom light, and peered into our bedroom to see who it was. My thoughts were something like--ok, Char's not there. It's just a guy. I think the guy is Chris. Who is Chris? My husband. I am married, and I am married to Chris, and he is the one sleeping in there. Ok. I am fine. And then I got back in bed.
Then a similar thing happened like 2 weeks ago. Keep in mind that I have been married for 3 years and 2 months. I have been sharing a bed for a long time now. That's what's so silly about this. I woke up in a panic, and sat up, and my heart was beating so fast. I swear I could hear it, but maybe that's fake. But the thing that woke me up was that someone was IN MY BED. And I was pretty sure they tried to put their arm around me. So I stood up, and stood next to the bed, and was like, "ok, I need to figure this out. How did this guy get in here?" I put on my robe, and went and walked around the house for a minute. (Our apartment goes in a circle. It's an awesome 60s condo, and you can run around and around the house. We love it.) I seriously got up, and walked completely around the house and back to my bedroom, the whole time saying to myself, "It's ok, it's Chris, we are married, he's not a creepster, stop being a high strung freak and go to sleep." So finally I had figured it out, I hung up my robe, and climbed back in bed. But as I got in bed, Chris really loudly said, "HEY!" and about gave me a heart attack. (Remember, if he did that to me during dinner, even, it would startle me. So in this heightened state I seriously almost died.) So I was like, "What?" and then he mumbled some things and rolled over while I laid there and tried to will my heart to beat slower. I asked him in the morning if he remembered any of this, and he hadn't the foggiest idea what I was talking about.
So . . . maybe we're both crazy sleepers. I can't imagine what sort of children we'll produce. We'll probably just have to strap them in at night. Like roll them up in a blanket so they can't move their arms. Ridiculous. Who would do that?
Does anyone else do awesome stuff like this?
p.s. also
I just remembered another funny thing about me getting up and wandering around the house. A few days after this happened, I was over at my family's house, and I was telling the story to my mom and my brothers, and when I said, "So I woke up, and was like, 'who is in my bed?'" my brother Ben said, "He's climbin' in your windows, snatchin' your people up!" And it was awesome. He is so good. He's probably the funniest boy in his class.
6 comments:
Hey, it's Laurie who used to work on the illustrious Library Security team with Chris. I have to tell you that I am really, really ridiculously glad to find your guys' married blog because a) I haven't seen Chris in years and b) you are really hilarious.
Also: here is the best crazy-face sleeping story I have: http://ramblingsandrandomness.blogspot.com/2009/06/rude-awakening.html
Sometimes I catch up on my blog reading while my students are being quiet and productive, but I had to stop reading this half way through because I was having too hard of a time not laughing. Instead I was looking like a weirdo trying to suppress smiling at my computer screen and not laugh out loud.
I love this :) mostly because being pregnant for the last 4 months has made my dreams even crazier ... A few weeks ago I had a dream I couldn't close the door fast enough to keep the aliens from getting me so I started scram/yelling In my sleep and really freaked Dave out. He had to tell me a nice bedtime story to get me back to sleep. Then just yesterday he tried to wake me up but I told him no not yet. Turns out I was dreaming that I was catching tiny birds I had let loose in the kitchen. I told him about my dream later and he said "yeah, I knew something was weird, you were clenching your hands in and out like you were grabbing for things."
Final thought: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RccnlY2Nb8w&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Look, I would be SUPER creeped out if I woke up and Chris was in my bed. I hear you.
Laurie, I will show Chris your blog tonight! He will be so excited to be in the know about library co-workers.
Emily, things like that make me think back to being in school, and the really serious and important things I always thought my teachers were doing while we were working.
Tammy, so many things scare me about being pregnant. Forgetfulness? Have that already. Having to go to the bathroom all the time? Have that already. Crazy dreams? Well, that will probably get a lot crazier, but I do have some of that already.
Ki, I laughed at loud at that. LOLed, my friend.
SUCH a good post. really. i reveled in its every word. way too hilarious.
i am a pretty crazy sleeper, but nowhere near as crazy as you i think. i am definitely a sleep talker (and have been known to even have an awesome southern black accent) but since i've been married alfredo tells me a lot that i do this weird thing with my hands. it is hard to explain without showing you in person, but it is kind of like interpretive dancing with my hand held straight up in the air. i know. weird. i did it just the other night and totally caught myself as i was waking up from it.
alfredo is a crazy sleeper though too and if i go to bed after him, i prepare to defend my life. seriously, at the slightest noise or movement when i enter the room, he jumps out of bed half-asleep and kicks and karate-chops into the air. at least i know he will protect us from intruders, right?
Post a Comment