Our Love Part IV, wherein the lovers are apart and absence doesn't answer any questions

The other day was the 4 year anniversary of the first time Chris and I kissed. So I decided the best thing to do would be to write a ridiculously long version of how we came to be. To read parts 1, 2, and 3, keep scrolling, friend.

On May 1st, I said goodbye to the US of A and took off for Italy. Shelly, Katie, and Chris all came to my house that morning to see me off. That would be the last time I saw Katie, because she went into the MTC the very DAY I returned home, June 20th. I missed her by a matter of hours. While I was on study abroad I expected to have some sort of life-changing confirmation that I knew what I wanted. We had talked very minimally about marriage and what would happen with us, but I knew that Chris knew what he wanted, and I was the one who needed to figure things out.

And don’t get me wrong, Europe IS MAGICAL. It is my favorite place on earth, and I think about study abroad nearly every day. It was far and away the most amazing trip I’ve ever been on (or ever will go on) and I will treasure those memories forever. But I think I put more stock in its magic than I should have. I envisioned standing on top of the Eiffel Tower and suddenly having something smack me in the face that said, “It’s right! Chris is the one you should marry!” And then I could cut off my hair and show up at the airport wearing a big hat because I had FOUND MYSELF. Again, I am not underestimating the power of Europe. But it didn’t tell me who to marry like I hoped it might.

Enjoying the Coliseum.

Catching a matinee of Spamalot with the Queen and Becca.

Milan Cathedral. Those spires haunt my dreams, they're so beautiful.

Eiffel Tower Carousel. Clare is a genius for capturing this moment. I am riding a carousel, and somehow she got the tower, the horse in the background, and me. In focus. You can also tell what a big priority mascara was on this trip.

I am so deep. Pompidou.

First day in Paris, walking to the Louvre, stopping to pose in front of Notre Dame. My face is not a joke. I was so excited to be there, I felt like I was high. When we got to the Louvre and I saw the Pei Pyramid, I started crying. And I cried a lot on this trip, but usually I just got teary-eyed. The Louvre made me actually CRY. And that was before even going inside!  

Sharing a bratwurst with Becca in Berlin. What happened in the middle, I'll never tell. JK sickies, it was just a golden photo op. We did share it, but not at the same time.

Riding a bike to the Kroller-Mueller museum in Arnhem, the Netherlands. It was like Sound of Music, seriously.We sang Do-Re-Mi as we rode. Beautiful.

Study abroad was amazingly fantastic, as you all know, but now is not the time. (Well, I wrote that originally, but then I started looking at pictures and I couldn't resist adding a few. They make me sigh when I look at them, you know?) Now is the time for Chris. We emailed, and I called him probably once a week while I was gone, and I still loved him and still wanted to date him, but—you guessed it—still not sure about getting married.

I flew home from London on June 20, 2007. I had lost weight on the trip, and was feeling pretty hot. I wore comfy clothes for my flight home, but when we were somewhere over Kansas, probably, I went to the airplane bathroom and changed into a dress and a cute jacket and heels. I wanted to be HOTT when I saw everyone again for the first time. I remember being so nervous, my stomach had butterflies. (I realize for those who went on missions, or an entire semester abroad, this probably seems silly. I was only gone for 5 weeks, but it felt long.) I came down the escalator and saw my friends, my fam, and Chris (wearing a black polo shirt and holding a daisy) waiting for me. I was so excited and hugged everyone and jumped up and down. And I felt shy with Chris again for some reason. He looked different somehow. And I think that was the first thing I said to him, because I’m so romantic. But I normaled up pretty fast, and was so happy to be home and that he was there too.

Home. Katie had been at the MTC for like 5 hours. I didn't even know yet that Shelly was going on a mission too. I may or may not have cried when she told me. Cas got her call while I was gone, I called her from Paris to hear about it. I missed you mission ladies, you know that? Ann got married the day I went to the Pompidou, this was my first time seeing her as Mrs. Harris. Do I have the best friends ever, or what? Coming up to the airport to say hello? Jeez.

I was home for 2 or 3 weeks, and it was SO FUN. At this point in time, I was living at home for the summer. I wasn’t working, because I was only home for a couple of weeks and then going to Ecuador for a month. So I had all the time in the world, basically. And what made it even better is that even though Chris was working, he was working at NuSkin in their call center taking calls from Brazil in Portuguese. Because of the time difference, he worked from 5:00 to 11:00 am. So every day around 11:30, he would come over to my house and we would play all day long and into the night. It was amazing. I remember being so in love with him. Again, we would talk about getting married, and I would say, “I really just don’t know what I want.” And Chris would say, “I do, but it’s ok. I can wait for you to figure it out.” He is so great.

And honestly, looking back on it, I don’t know what I was so worried about. I always remember a really illuminating conversation with Allie. I was sitting in the backseat of their car, she was in the passenger seat, Rob was driving. We had just gone to Target. We were discussing my fears, and I said, “I really don’t know what I’m so scared of.” And Allie said, “Well, you’re scared it won’t last, or that you’ll fall out of love, that you’ll get divorced, stuff like that.” And I said, “I’m not scared of any of those things.” And she said, “Well, then why the heck aren’t you engaged?”

But anyway, we had an amazingly fun couple of weeks, and then it was goodbye again. Strangely enough, I went to Ecuador with the same expectations I had of Europe. You know, since the museums and cathedrals and piazzas didn’t give me the answer to my question, maybe it lay in the Andean villages we would be going to. Of course, it didn’t. I had an awesome trip, and spent a lot of time chatting with Chris online when we were home and not camping in the villages. I called him a few times too. I missed him a ton. It was harder to leave that time than it was for Europe.

Ecuador was pretty amazing though. It is so beautiful there, and the peeps are so great. It was really fun to hang with just me and Char for so long. Of course she was always like, "Erin, just marry Chris, ok?" And apparently all my Ecuador pics are on my mom's computer, so . . . sorry. You'll just have to imagine me and Char, being cool, chilling with rolling green hills and jungle waterfalls and the cutest little kids in the Southern Hemisphere.

My mom came down and spent the last week of our trip with us, which was so fun. The day we flew home was the day of Casidy’s mission farewell, and I was supposed to make it in time to attend, but our flight got delayed and I was so sad. Conveniently enough, on our last night there, and on the way home, I got SO sick. I never threw up (keeping the streak alive! I haven’t since like 2002), but I felt like it for about 48 hours. (And PLEASE don’t try to tell me that throwing up is better than feeling crappy for a couple of days. It isn’t. I will not believe you.) Anyway, Char packed my bags for me so I could sleep, because she is so nice. She seriously tucked me into bed and then packed my bags. Love that girl.

We traveled home all day, and even though my mom had a car at the airport, Chris came and picked me up and I went home with him, straight to Shelly’s house to hear her open her mission call. (And I am still grateful that she opened her mission call the end of July and didn’t leave until November 28th. Those were an awesome few months.) Seeing him at the airport felt so . . . relieving to me. I felt terrible from being sick and traveling all day, and I was unshowered, and I was wearing those striped Ecuador pants and a shirt with a volcano on it that I bought in Baños, but seeing him made me feel so much better. It was amazing to be home again.

Tune in next time to read about how I basically needed Xanax . . . . .